I woke up with these things that look like peach-flavored Nerds Candy on my wang. What’s up with that?
- Gabe Harwell

Dibi: What’s up with not wearing a rubber???

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Hi Dibi, you are great. What do you think is your biggest accomplishment so far?
- Tracy Shanahan

Dibi: Keeping my sense of humor!!!

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Dear Dibi, who was more naughty? Christian, Nathan or Herbie?
- Barb Montgomery

Dibi: Christian, for sure!!!

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Hey Dibi, love the sites. So question. I know you are an artist and someone with a strong creative background. Do you surf? And if you do, which medium do you prefer?
- Brice Aaron

Dibi: No, I don’t surf, my dad (Walter Hoffman) and sister (Joyce Hoffman) were Champions, you might know of them, so of course I tried it when I was young. But I never kept it up…boys and drugs occupied my time, you know. As far as art, whatever medium I’m working with at the time is what I like best. Writing, dancing, shaping artistic surfboards, sculpting rocks, etc. I’m very compulsive and do things to the max.

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Hey Dibi, will you leave Herbie for me?!?
- Shawn Gregory

Dibi: How much money you got?!?

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Dear Dibi, what happened to the brands Think Fast and Standing Island? I always thought Standing Island featured such classy artwork.
- Sal Ortiz

Dibi: Thanks for that. It was too much work for just Herb and I. Silly us thought CF and Nathan were ready to help and work, so we made some decisions on what we could do without going broke and crazy. I still have the original art work from Standing Island that I run across occasionally. And it gives me a good laugh at how crazy Herb and I have been with all our ventures.

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Well this is a very cool idea to have your mom answering questions, Christian. But are there any off topics Dibi will never talk about?
- Steve Metal

Dibi: DUDE, I’m Christian’s mom, what do you think?!?

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This is great! Love hearing the input from CF’s mom! So I have a question for you then Mrs. Fletcher. Having raised surf stars yourself what advice do you have for parents who want their kids to be the next big thing, whether it’s in show biz or surfing?
- Devon Jameson

Dibi: Tell them to get a great education. They’ll spend a lot more time in their life working then doing either of the other things you mentioned.

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When Moses parted the Red Sea, did Christian and Nathan see?
- Gill Isaac Kaufman

Dibi: They were waiting for the tide to change.

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Hey Dibi, should I sell my ex-patriot life here in Hoi-an, (book store, house, motorbike, friends, etc., etc., etc.) and move to the Gili’s or just hang in and make the money? Of course selling the shit would make money as well.
- Randy Slocum

Dibi: Wow, tough question, honey. Friends, job, place to live, what’s the deal in the Gili’s? I need to know more before I throw my two cents in, and you know what that’s worth anyway!

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Dear Dibi, I loved your advice, ‘don’t buy, just rent’ on an earlier post. I’m a 48-year-old mother of two amazing children (19 & 22). I’ve done everything, including return to college, move 600 miles away to find my own identity, pursuing passions, etc…now that my kids have “grown up” and are hell bent on not needing me, I support and understand that. But no matter what I do, I’m still in love with them and can’t seem to get through a whole sentence without mentioning their names. Do you have any suggestions for how to pull out of the “empty nest” syndrome? (Thanks Christian for loaning us your madre.)
- Julie Buteyn

Dibi: Julie, I think you sound like you’re on the right track in establishing your own identity. That “Mom” you’re trying to distance yourself from took years of caring, worry and loving to develop. Give yourself some time and the relationship with the kids will mature into a friendship and that “Mom” will still be called on once in a while, she’s a part of you that you’ll always know of as your best. Sincerely, Dibi

Making Mama Proud

But it all comes from good intentions, I guess. I mean, I know that now. I didn’t realize a lot of that back in the day when I was younger, and I’m still learning to take advice or at least have a little more patience in taking the time to listen or hear what people have to say.

And I think my mom’s a pretty smart cookie. She’s fucking funny, honest, sassy and ain’t afraid to tell it like it is. Whether it’s telling me off or telling off my dad or my brother Nathan, the chick doesn’t mess around. And I don’t mean just telling us off in a negative way. I mean, she always has valid thoughts and opinions, words of wisdom , and the most random facts all stored in her mental file. So I was thinking, you know what? Many of you write and ask for advice - some of you guys write serious stuff and a lot of you write stupid bullshit stuff. All in good fun, I know. But my point is, you guys want to banter and you want to hear what’s up and seem to want concrete answers on certain things, so who better to throw in their two cents in regards to your questions than my mom, Dibi Fletcher?

And let’s be honest here…do you really want to get advice from me? Fuck, I just might make your problem even worse.

So, fuckers, here it is. The “Dear Christian” section on here will now be “She is Dibi: Hear Her Roar” from now on. And we’re serious. Ask her anything. You won’t get a more brutally - yet humorous - straight forward answer the way you would from Dib. Don’t be shy. If you leave skid marks on your underwear and want to know what kind of laundry detergent to use, ask her. If you’re in financial despair and feel suicidial, ask her how to get out of that rut. Ask her about anything and everything. She may not have the best answer but she’ll definitely give you an answer.

After all, she is Dibi. Hear her roar.

The first installment, down below.

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Hey Dibi,

It burns when I pee and I think she lied about her age. What do I do?

- TJ Harris

Hey Dibi,

I welcome anybody who visits my site. Friends, haters, lovers, fans, groupies, Republicans, dick-draggers, skateboarders, snowboarders, Wall Street types, nerds, Eskimos, borderline retards, tennis players, Angelina Jolie, Rabbis, Lutherans, boxers, violinists, pastry chefs, shit-talkers, people with bunions on their feet, fat chicks, skanks, bankers, artists, musicians, hillbillies, cross-eyed kooks, unicorns, dentists, longboarders, ping-pong players, the whole state of Alaska, tap dancers, vegetarians, carnivores, clowns, diabetics, cholos, crips, bloods, groms, old-timers, taggers, yoga instructors, lispers, Armenians, architects, actors, and especially your sister and your mom.

Whoever, whatever, whenever. It’s all good.

I hope you’ll stay along for the ride.